“My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”
— Winston Churchill
My wife is a Saint.
We’ve had many conversations about how in her Family they have a problem of being what we’ve grown to call “over-selfless.” She cares too much about others, often to neglecting to care for herself for longer than she should.
She is everything I could have ever asked for in a wife and a million times more than I deserve.
But our marriage is not perfect.
That’s a good thing. We’ve also spoken often about how we’re grateful that we’re imperfect and different from one another.
We complement each other. I’m the planner and organizer; she brings spontaneity and fun. Although these, our greatest strengths, are also the sources of our worst weaknesses- me beating myself up from perfectionism and her, well she doesn’t have many flaws.
One thing has been for certain for us.
When we’re both frustrated with each other, we quickly go to bed instead of working it out right then and there.
Let alone the fact that nighttime is when we are at our worst, it’s easy to let even a little argument get out of hand.
We’ve all been there- frustrated about something that we know is stupid and yet we find ourselves gritting our teeth and yelling at each other about it anyway.
We all want perfect, happy families.
It’s not your fault that you fight; it’s part of human nature. Many, if not all marriages experience some level of disagreement daily, no matter how perfect they may appear on Instagram.
It’s okay to fight.
I’d even go so far as to say that it’s healthy for couples to experience some small level of disagreement from time to time. As long as it doesn’t escalate, which going to bed angry can prevent.
It’s also perfectly natural to be afraid of fighting. You’re not alone in wishing that you never fought with your significant other, or that you could always be selfless and perfect for them.
I feel this every day of my life.
We’re all working towards better marriages.
I’ve learned it’s that when you’re arguing it’s best that you are apart from one another. The sooner you can both realize that separating yourselves for a short time is what’s best, the better.
Emotions can become strong very quickly, and we often say things that we don’t mean when we’re in such a chaotic state.
Every time my wife and I have decided just to go to bed when we’re angry, even if it’s through gritted teeth that we tell each other “I love you” at the end of the night, we wake up refreshed, energized, and ready to maturely tackle whatever disagreement we’ve had.
It doesn’t have to be bedtime, either. If you are arguing, sometimes one of you leaving the house for 20 minutes or more is exactly what you both need to let things cool down.
“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” ―Alan Watts
We resolve problems by taking a step back, slowing things down, and pausing to breathe.
So the next time you get angry, take a step away.
Practice going to bed as soon as you can when you are angry at night, and your marriage will improve. I’ve seen this work wonders in mine.
And I believe it can do the same in yours.